Here Kitty Kitty

It would seem that my house mate has a new girl friend. She won't admit it and neither will he, but they seem like they are dating. If they aren't dating they are definitely having sex. How do I know this? I know it, because I can hear it. I have never actually met or seen her, but I have heard her. She is loud. It sounds like he is killing a cat, which is really annoying when you are trying to sleep. I came home the other night, completely hammered, and got confused because I thought I walked into a Chinese restaurant, where they were actually filleting a feline for the main course. I think she only comes over when I am really drunk or when I am sleepy and can't see straight. For example, the other night, when I thought I was in the Asian restaurant, I was too drunk to even stand and all I could hear was Alley Cat Theatre in the next room. I even thought I felt someone crawl into bed with me. That was how drunk I was. I remember when I was growing up my dad taught me the greatest lesson of my life. If you don't remember anything when you wake up the next day, then it is a sure sign of a good time, unless you wake up with blood in your underwear, then regardless of the reason it is bad, but I digress. Now that I think about it I had blood in my underwear the next day and my house mate was passed out on my floor. Dammit, did he call me his little love Lynx the other day?