Luke, I am your father

I have completely stopped having one night stands. They are ok when you are younger, because you aren't that sure of yourself. You don't talk. You just get drunk and meet someone. Then you back to someone's place and have rigid penguin sex. It isn't like that when you get older. Especially once women start to get sure of themselves. They start to know what they want, which is good. No one likes to have sex with a dead fish, well maybe a few people do, but they usually get locked up. No really once women start knowing what they like sex, gets good. Unless you just aren't good at sex or you have a tiny dick, but don't they go hand in hand?

I have a tiny dick. It took me a long time to realize this, but I do. I hooked up with this chick the other night and we were about to make some love, or whatever you call it now, but then the worst thing happened. I didn't have any condoms, so I had to run to the 7-eleven in my underwear with wood. Luckily the store is across the street. I walked in and went straight for the condoms. I was wearing a wife beater with fuzzy slippers and south park boxers. You toss in the ear muffs, it was cold, and the trojans. Wow, the night clerk thought he was about to die or get some pig lovin'. Either way, I get back to the room and she is still there with her finger on the trigger, if you know what I mean, which is lucky I thought she was going to leave. I threw on the condom. What the... It's glowing. I bought glow in the dark condomns. Oh well here it goes. She stopped me. "What the fuck is that?" ... "Uh, It's my light saber?" She just gave me a look WTF. "Ok, so it's a light dagger."..."No asshole, it's more like a light pocket knife with no handle, but give it to me i'm already here." Damn you confident women, Damn you. So we had some sex. I gave her the 30 second ride of her life. So while we were having sex, I realized that she wasn't a woman. I think she might have been a marsupial. She must have been a kangaroo. That wasn't a pussy, that was a pouch. Maybem she was just pregnant. I'm just gonna turn a blind eye to this one.