Maybe its funny

Have you ever tried to urinate on a second grader? Those little bastards are fast, especially if you are wearing button fly jeans. I hate button fly jeans/shorts/slacks/pants etc. I have decided that no one actually buys Button Fly jeans. The actually buy zippered jeans, but overlook the fact that they have a button fly or maybe the zipper just morphs on the return home from the place of purchase. No really, I hate button fly jeans. Have you ever tried to go to the bathroom in them, Well maybe that isn't a good question, because going to the bathroom in any pair of pants is the same, they all end up wet. I'll rephrase. Have you ever tried to undo them and then go to the bathroom in the toilet, on a wall, in a trashcan, on a second grader, or on a friend? I'm not even going to have you picture trying to do this while drunk and in a hurry, because you might as well pee your pants. Button Fly jeans are horrible you can't get them undone. It is like wearing a little straight jacket around your penis or your whatever you have down. You don't know torture until you have your little soldier incarcerated in a denim "nut house", no pun intended. You have to be careful if you are a guy when you wear them. All to often you have to go the bathroom, so you wander of to the "Comfort Room" and start the ritual. You walk over to the urinals, peek at the guy next to you. You make sure the toilet is flushed 1..2..3 times. then you sniff the guy next door's shoulder. you turn in a little circle and scratch your foot on the floor and your ready to commence the urination. So you grab one of those horrible buttons, but you don't grab the top one. you grab the center one and then you undo it. then you grab the one above it or below it, who knows maybe even both, because it doesn't matter. you inevitably go for the gun next and try to pull it through the amazingly undersized whole in the jeans. Sure it might be easier if you didn't have an erection from sniffing the guy next to you, but that is neither here nor there. In any event your dick is folded in half and you are hopping around like a one legged prison rodeo clown and praying that your dong comes through the whole without snaping in half like an earthworm being put on a fish hook. Then you stop and just look, because Damn i didn't know my dick could bend like that. So after ten minutes you legs are tired your pants are wet, because you never got your shit out and the guy that you sniffed gave you his phone number and you got scared, because you went from the joking hunter to the pant wetting hunted. What the fuck, I hate button fly jeans.


The hardest part about telling a joke is getting the words out. Once you actually speak the joke pretty much tells itself...

How soon we forget

There are times in your life when you forget things that you thought you would never forget. Let me elaborate, gauss Jordan Row Reduction. Four years ago this was not a problem, but now somehow it eludes me. I tried several times to solve 3x+4y=10x+10y, but to no avail. I just thought you should know this. Something else you should know, vagina aka choch should never move. However I don't think all choches know this. The little bastards like to squirm around??? Last but not least, you would think there would be a lot more dyslexic rapists. "Why do you keep saying "On"? I'm trying to get "Off" now leave me alone." No wait, one last thing again. Who in their right mind would get married? People with low self esteemed, that's who. OK so it doesn't make sense out of context, but it was funny when I said it.

No spork for me

I know this has no real life bearing and it may just sound a little quirky, but I was putting cream cheese on a bagel this morning and the most profound question to traverse the face of society reared it's beguiling little head. What is better the Fork or the Spoon? To be honest I'm not really sure, but if it is a matter of personal opinion then I say the spoon is better. I think the spoon is much more versatile and therefore more viable as a complete cutlery solution.

Meet the new Guy

Call me a misanthrope, but it bothers when a new person gets hired and the HR person decides that the new person should walk around the entire company and meet everyone. Maybe it is only in small companies, but I digress. So they walk into your office/cube/closet and say, "Hi Josh, This is X he/she is our new blank." So what happens next? That is the problem, I don't think anyone knows what happens next. If this introduction is supposed to be a simple introduction then we should here, "Hi X, I'm Joshua Grippo and I'm a blank. It's good to have you on board if you need anything let me know." Then X is supposed to say, "great, nice to meet you." Now Miss/Mr. HR is supposed to say, "OK, Josh have a good day see you later." and then walk away, but that isn't what happens. They stand there and let you have awkward silence with X. Thanks way to foster business relationships.

Silence is Golden

I watched a clock yesterday. Ok, so I only watched it for 5ish minutes, Tick, Tick, Tick... It wasn't comforting, nor was it unsettling. It was just there, marching along. Maybe it had somthing to do with the fact that the clock wasn't a digital one. It is one of those cheap megastore wall clocks, with a white face and baby blue trim. I think I'm done with this thought, ok so it isn't really a thought, i'll call it a paought for a partial thought. So I was hungry the other day and I needed something to eat. The only thing in the fridge were hamburger buns, but what did I see? I saw bagel material. It would seem that even if you toast a hamburger bun with the toaster's bagel setting and then provide it with ample cream cheese it still doesn't equal a bagel.

Technical Difficulty

After several drinks last night, I woke up this morning and I am still annebriated. Don't funnel everclear and don't play beer pong with vodka. I think that is why they call it beer pong, You are supposed to play it with beer. Here is another nugget of wisdom, tampon strings should be flavored. Not like a Summer's Eve/Masengil flavor it should be something that complements the flavor, can anyone say Lemon and Capers.

Before The Almighty

My arms are bleeding
My eyes are peeled
Before the Almighty I humbly kneel

I ask him "Oh Why"
I get no reply
Before the Almighty I longingly cry

Body hunched forward
Body chilled to bone
Before the Almighty I expire alone

Just another day

I guess blogs are supposed to be a log of what you felt during certain events and not necessarily a log of events occurring in your life. Well, the same things keep happening to me and I am not necessarily sure how I feel. I don't feel lost. I know where I am. I guess you could say I don't know here I am going. I don't really like it. I sit here and pout, but I can't be Special. From the beginning of time I am sure men have had these same feelings before me. I guess what remains to be seen is what I do with these feelings. Will I sit idly by as life passes or will I stand up and do what I am capable of. I feel the first path is the path that I have taken since I was born. I have never really done anything, unless it was handed to me. Even if the things I have been given have come to me by peculiar ways, I still feel that in no way have I done anything for my life of my own accord. I do feel that everything that I have been given has been put to use as an effort to advance myself. I just want to do something for myself, but then the question arises of how one goes about this. How do you start? I guess the men who find the answer to this question go on to greatness and the men that do not settle for mediocrity. By no means do I say that a man who cannot start things for himself cannot achieve greatness. I am only saying that a man who cannot start things for himself will not achieve greatness, until someone else catalyzes his ascent. Seeing this, I realize that I have two choices in life: settle for mediocrity until greatness finds me, with the understanding that it may never be so inclined to even look; or learn enough about myself to realize what I lack and then add the pieces that I need.
In reflection things seem easy, but in reality finding the pieces that we are missing is hard. Suddenly the images of my friends pop up. They are all good people, but it ends there. I have a hand full of people that have been given the tools to achieve greatness. I have a supporting cast of only a few that can aid me in my search for a fruitful life. I hate the idea of someone relying on friends to achieve his success; I think friends should only play the role of enjoying in your self-made happiness. I realize that this is not the case and in order for a man to succeed in life he must surround himself with the right people. I unfortunately have not made this choice. I surrounded myself with good people, but not many great people. Again this is my fault. For handful of great people that I know, I realize I made the effort to meet them. If a person had a special quality, then I took the active role of sucking them into my life. I will say now, that everyone in my life is wonderful and I appreciate them with all of my being. I just think to myself what would be different if I would have surrounded myself with different people. This is a question that can never be answered, although I do find it an intriguing anomaly.